I have a new supervisor at work and we are still getting to know each other in terms of how we do our jobs. She is getting to know me as a professional and I am getting to know her as a supervisor. This is always, as I am sure my classmates and colleagues would agree, is always a dynamic process with lots of factors that play in to the building of the professional relationship and (hopefully) developing partnership. In our first supervision, (when I go in and we do a case review discussing what is going on with the children and families I am working with and establishing goals and tasks to continue to work on regarding their cases) she directed me to do something that I have never been directed to do in my prior 8 years of doing this work. Now, understand that I will never not complete a directive when I have been told to do so; however, I told her that I had never done it before and asked questions about this particular task. She responded, “Well, you are being directed now, Vanessa.” In a very condescending and frankly rude manner, to the point where I felt that the matter was not up for any kind of discussion at all.
Usually, I am the type of person that is not easily intimidated and feels confident to ask questions and have an actual discussion, but based on the response (and HOW she responded); I did not feel comfortable doing so. I felt like the topic had simply been shut down and closed and that I may have had my head bitten off if I stayed on the subject, or tried to compromise (or even better understand) at all.
One strategy that I have learned, or thought about, after learning about the principles of NVC and the three R’s would be (and I know it may be cliché) to be smart in “picking your battles.” Because I am a very passionate advocate, not only for the clients I work with, but also for myself, I have been really working on the way that I accomplish this. I have found that often times; I can express myself better, and easier, in writing. In addition, because documentation is a MAJOR component in what I do in terms of liability, it may be easier to develop compromise or resolution this way. I think that while on the one hand, there are costs associated with communication via writing, it is also advantageous because it minimizes taking someone’s tone, facial expressions, etc. too personally.
Another strategy that I have been thinking about using the three R’s and NVC regarding this situation is improving on my ability to let time do its job. The fact of the matter is that I do not know this person yet and they do not know me, so time will resolve this. I hope that my new boss sees that I am a knowledgeable, efficient, productive employee who does not need to be spoken to as if I am anything else, and over time our communication will evolve into a more reciprocal situation.
I have engaged colleagues, even former supervisors’ advice regarding the situation and have been encouraged to proceed with cautious optimism, which I will. But, I have also been encouraged to not lose my ability to stand up for what I think is right, as well as not to lose my motivation or curiosity by asking questions as I have my own professional development to consider as well.
