Week 4 - My Connections to Play

I find myself very emotional reminiscing for this blog assignment about play and my childhood. So many things have changed: my outlook on life, how I relate to the images in this post, and the dichotomy of how I played as a child and how I play as an adult. I do not know what my parents thought about what or how I played as a child as it was a rare occurrence if mom or dad actually took part in play with my younger brother and I. On the other hand, I also do not remember them ever setting restrictions on my free time either and for this, to a certain extent, I am grateful. I do, however, often remember my friends' parents setting strict rules for their play experiances. "Dont do that" "That's not allowed" "Just cuz Vanessa and Alex are doing that doesnt matter, I'm in charge of you" were uncomfortable phrases which underscored some of my play experiances with friends. I can understand this as well, and I also remember thinking, how come my parents acted (or didnt act at all) differently? I am sure I will ask them one of these days.

Play is a major avenue for learning to manage anxiety. It gives the child a safe space
where she can experiment at will, suspending the rules and constraints of physical and
social reality. In play, the child becomes master rather than subject.... Play allows the
child to transcend passivity and to become the active doer of what happens around her.

--Alicia F. Lieberman, author, The Emotional Life of the Toddler

My little brother was more times than not, essential in my early childhood play memories. We were “partners in crime” growing up, dependant on each other’s stimulation to get through mostly everything. I remember taking turns with him making up the rules of our games, with me admittedly taking advantage of his youth and the privileges of being the “oldest” and as a result “in-charge.” During our turbulent childhoods, in my mind, Alex was a Master playmate because when life was a roller coaster, he always engaged me in some sort of play, his defense mechanism of choice, and this saved me a lot of times and in many ways.  

Since I can remember, I have always loved learning about the ocean and therefore I usually always had a pet fish growing up that I would play with. I did not physically play with him or her, simply made up stories about what they were thinking about in their little bowls. I remember learning about my first Beta fish and being so excited when my brother got one of his own because they could be WWF wrestlers with each other. My brother and I would rough-and-tumble play “showing” them the moves we wanted them to act out.

We grew up, for the most part, living at apartment complexes. I remember when I was young, not appreciating this, always dreaming of a “normal” house, with a yard and climbing trees. However, looking back, I had a blast! There was always something to do, countless possibilities for hide and seek, and it was probably safer being in an enclosed, large area free of traffic. Living in a complex was essential for us because it was what my parents could afford; there were always other kids to play with.

Adults heavily regulate play today I feel. When I was growing up, we had two recesses daily in elementary school and twice weekly gym classes which were usually guided, but still flexible to the wills of students. Unfortunately, I live in a county currently that recess has been gone for a long time, and this will make me think twice when I have children of my own and am contemplating their educations and overall development. As an adult, I still strongly advocate for play. I believe free time, having fun, and managing stressors is extremely important and play allows for each of these.

Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibilities, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me…

Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
Shel Silverstein, Poet

Relationship Reflection

The basis for working in the early childhood field is forming relationships and partnerships. Working WITH families is the goal, not FOR families. When we work with others to accomplish something, in this case, positive development for children, we should know what it takes so that all parties involved benefit. One way to do this is to reflect on existing relationships. 

It has been my personal experience and strong belief that in order to develop a well-rounded, non-judgmental view of oneself, others, and the world, one needs to have significant relationships which offer values including honesty, encouragement, reciprocity, constructive criticism, loyalty, and support. Some may find that they have many relationships with these and other qualities, and some have just a few important people in their life that fulfills all of these. My relationships have greatly influenced who I am today, and I am absolutely certain they and others in the future will lead me to having a positive impact on the world. The qualities I just described manifest in my relationships differently, but this does not make them any less significant. After reading about these relationships, you will see how and please understand that this list of my significant relationships/partnerships is not exhaustive:

My Parents: Though my parents had a difficult relationship and this often effected my childhood and view of the world, they always let me be myself. Both passed on their strong wills and did their best to allow me to develop my own without judgment. I know this was not easy for them, especially after they divorced, but I am thankful that they let me make mistakes, help when needed, and encourage me to do what I want, rather, what I think is right despite the obstacles.

My Best Friends: I believe that within people’s relationships, there should be at least one, where you can share anything. My best friend, Shannon, is that person for me, and hopefully, me for her. She will tell me when she thinks I am making a huge mistake, let me vent to her for hours during sleepless nights about the stress of working in the child protection field, she understands my unique sense of humor. She understands that though we live 1500 miles apart, there is not anything we wouldn’t do for each other, including making our communication a priority. Shan is my human best friend, but TashaLu is just as important. My relationship with my 5 yr. old pitbull is incredibly important to me. I rescued her from the ASPCA as a graduation present to myself after college, the day I secured my first job in the field. She was abandoned there when she was 18mos. Old and it truly was love at first site. On the most challenging days at work, or if I am sick, or in any situation, I know she is there for me with open paws and her smiling face.

My Mentors: While my parents and Shan serve as mentors in my personal life, my undergraduate professors and one of my former supervisors are important educational and professional relationships and partnerships that I have come to depend on. When I was in college, the decision to change majors from Marine Sciences to Human Development (HD) was agonizing at times. My childhood dream was to become the next Cousteau and when academics, travelling, and life in general made me see that this probably was not my calling I found support, encouragement, and ultimately my niche through my HD professors (From right to left: Profs. Janus, Stiles, Harris, and Schwarzmueller) I still communicate with them about jobs that I have, challenges with the field that I face, and even go back to share experiences with them and their current students as a guest speaker. I think this gives them a sense of accomplishment to see where the education that they provided has led me, and their students benefit from getting my professional take on things knowing that we have the school in common.

Bonnie R. is a former supervisor of mine and the relationship that I have formed with her is priceless. With her professional guidance, flexibility, and unmatched knowledge base in our community, she has truly molded me into the kind of advocate I want to be. She trusts that between her supervision, my personal life experiences, and our dedication on-going training and education we are making a difference for children and families each day. She reminds me often that this may be (or seem like) a minimal difference, but it is significant. One of the best qualities of Bonnie and our relationship is that she allows me to teach her things as well. The most recent example of this is when I knew she was interested in going back to school; I shared information about Walden, my first class, and the emphasis it puts on social change. Three weeks later, she applied and was accepted to Walden. So, though we are in different programs, it is just another aspect of our relationship that has developed into partnership: the sharing of ideas, respect for my past experiences, and encouragement of future goals.

Many of the people that I have relationships with do not live locally, therefore, it can be a challenge to stay in touch. One of the main keys in maintaining these relationships is utilizing technology to communicate. Though it can be difficult to grasp the latest and greatest means of staying connected, I find that it is worth it. However, this leads into another challenge in that this communication, even electronically, needs to be a two-way street to be successful.

Another lesson that I have learned about partnerships is that they are never perfect. There will always be difficult economies, conflicts of interest, and opposing views but a sign of a significant relationship and partnership is the ability to evolve, adapt, and compromise. This is not always easy and may take experience with unsuccessful relationships/partnerships to genuinely appreciate the good ones.

On a final note, I wanted to share a quote from FDR which is appropriate and meaningful as I reflect on my relationships and in a sense, pay tribute to them and the ultimate goal of social change:

Today we are faced with the preeminent fact that, if civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships... the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world, at peace.

Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945) Thirty-second President of the USA.